Top highlights from Yearbook
Never quit, but sometimes do quit, cause you simply might not be that good at some shit.
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Because [my grandparents] grew up in the Depression, they would steal EVERYTHING. Every time we went to McDonald's, they would empty the napkin dispenser and put them in a giant box that my grandfather kept in his van. If we were out at dinner and you heard my Bubby say, "Oh, this is a nice plate," you knew the next time you ate at their place, you'd be eating off that plate, because she straight jacked that shit. Knives, forks, you name it, they swiped it.
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In 97, we were fifteen and our counselors were seventeen, which, again, is like entrusting a kitten to a ferret.
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Maybe thats why Jews are Jewish. Its more vague and casts a wider net than other religions. Im a Hindu. Im a Muslim. Im Jewish. Less commitment is involved when ish is in the mix.
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Bubby: All my friends are dying! The bastards! Don't they know I want to play mah-jongg?!
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We need shoes, sunblock, exercise, toilet paperand weed.
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Once I ate a weed lollipop at the Golden Globes and got so high, I had to leave early.
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They also have an amazing seafood tower. I love a seafood tower and think more food should be served in tower formation. Sometimes pizzas get a little platform, but theyre really not living up to their potential.
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My dad is from Newark, New Jersey. He somehow manages to be simultaneously bald and always in dire need of a haircut.
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I used to work in Winnipeg, but I had to move to Vancouver. You see, theres not a lot of work for a mohel who shivers uncontrollably. (This is a VERY Canadian joke.)
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The only problem with being a mohel is that you get used to the ceremony. Last night, I found myself going through a half-hour service before I could cut a carrot for my salad.
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We had pooled around fifty bucks. We all had different ways of scrounging cash. In Canada, it was slightly easier because of the one- and two-dollar coins, or 'loonies' and 'two-nies,' which are not doing Canada any favors when it comes to being taken seriously.
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Theres nothing more fun than reading a terrible review of your movie in USA Today on your phone as you walk into an interview with a journalist from USA Today.
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Whatever Disneyland is for kids who like cartoons is what Burning Man is to adults who like hallucinogens.
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dont have any real deep insight into Kanye and his current state of being or mindset other than to say I really love his music and my interactions with him have been lovely. But Im sure a lot of people have said the same about a lot of people who have made incredibly shitty comments. I recently read about a phenomenon where everyone assumes their actions are based on love and the actions of those they disagree with are based on hate. I dont think Kanye is hateful. I think he is grasping and struggling to make his way through life, and as painless as his experience seems like it should be, theres no pain more painful than your own pain, and that goes for everyone, even Kanye. That said, I really wish he would shut the fuck up about all this political bullshit. That doesnt help anything.
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Ive thought about starting a business where I sell prosthetic foreskins to Jews so they can feel what it would have been like to have non-Jew junk. It would be called Gentile Genitals and it would make a fortune.
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We did Kyokushinkaikan karate. Our motto was Never give up. Always do your best. A solid starting place in general.
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Thats why I smoke weed. Its additive to my journey. It makes getting from here to there manageable and comfortable. Theres this odd concept of functionality that people apply to some things but not others. Our feet need cushioning. Our skin needs protecting. Our muscles need exercise. Our asses need wiping. But our brains? Dont touch those! Theyre perfect, and if youre having a hard time with yours and are smoking weed, its bad! Unfortunately, as well designed as people are, we just arent completely cut out for this world we live in. We need shoes, sunblock, exercise, toilet paperand weed. People criticize weed for changing your view of reality. But sunglasses literally change your view of reality, and nobody gives them a hard time for it.
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Weed is my sunglasses. Weed is my shoes. Im not quite cut out for this world, but weed makes it okay.
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I dyed my Jew-fro bright green, which kind of faded and turned a pukey yellow color, so I basically made my big entrance into Point Grey looking like a giant fucking clown.
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My first experience was great, and I did the perfect amount. But there was this nagging thought in my head. Its not a great thought but one that I stand by: You havent really done a drug till youve done a bit too much of it.
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All this likely begs the questions: Whats wrong with you, Seth? Why do you do so many drugs and why cant you stop talking about it? And the best answer to that I can come up with is They give me insights into my own thinking, feeling, and behavior in ways that I havent found elsewhere, and theyre super-fun. Its really nothing new. People have been getting fucked up for thousands of years. Theres something about removing myself from my normal baseline of operation that feels exciting and adventurous. And shared adventures can be incredibly bonding. I think I also keep yapping about drugs like acid, MDMA, and shrooms because of how incredibly fucking bothered I am that theyre viewed as these big bad wolves compared to alcohol, which is both way more prevalent and way more shitty for you.
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How tall is he? my female friends would ask, often before any other questions.
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When I was younger, Bubby and Zaidy just didn't seem that into me. I got the impression they liked my older sister, Danya, more than me, mostly because their words and actions made it wildly clear that they did.
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Nudists are weird. My friend went to a nudist colony and came back with a newfound appreciation for clothes.
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