as Jazaieri observes, Theres no empirical evidence to suggest that beating ourselves up will actually help us change our behavior; in fact, some data suggests that this type of criticism can move us away from our goals rather than towards them. Conversely, the more gently we speak to ourselves, the more well do the same for others. So the next time you hear that harsh internal voice, pause, take a breathand try again. Speak to yourself with the same tenderness youd extend to a beloved childliterally using the same terms of endearment and amount of reassurance that youd shower on an adorable three-year-old.

Bittersweet by Susan Cain