It is well-known that a big percentage of all marriages in the United States end in divorce or separation (about 39 percent, according to the latest data).[30] But staying together is not what really counts. Analysis of the Harvard Study data shows that marriage per se accounts for only 2 percent of subjective well-being later in life.[31] The important thing for health and well-being is relationship satisfaction. Popular culture would have you believe the secret to this satisfaction is romantic passion, but that is wrong. On the contrary, a lot of unhappiness can attend the early stages of romance. For example, researchers find that it is often accompanied by rumination, jealousy, and surveillance behaviorsnot what we typically associate with happiness. Furthermore, destiny beliefs about soul mates or love being meant to be can predict low forgiveness when paired with attachment anxiety.[32] Romance often hijacks our brains in a way that can cause the highs of elation or the depths of despair.[33] You might accurately say that falling in love is the start-up cost for happinessan exhilarating but stressful stage we have to endure to get to the relationships that actually fulfill us. The secret to happiness isnt falling in love; its staying in love, which depends on what psychologists call companionate lovelove based less on passionate highs and lows and more on stable affection, mutual understanding, and commitment.[34] You might think companionate love sounds a little, well, disappointing. I certainly did the first time I heard it, on the heels of great efforts to win my future wifes love. But over the past thirty years, it turns out that we dont just love each other; we like each other, too. Once and always my romantic love, she is also my best friend.

From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks