But I feel the exact opposite. I feel like its taken decades to get here. You told me I was supposed to be the greatest player in the history of tennis. You said it since the day I was born! You told me it was all I was ever meant to be! And then one day I wasnt anymore. You werent even sure that I could beat her! I say. Are we talking about Stepanova? he says. I asked you if you thought I could get the number one ranking over her, and you said, I dont know. And youve never forgiven me for it, he says. Im paying that price even today. You should pay it for the rest of your life! I say. For making me believe in myself like that and then pulling the rug out from under me. For giving up on me when things were at their hardest. I never gave up on this. Ever. And you did! Carrie, you asked me if I thought you could take number one from Paulina. And I said I didnt know. Because I didnt. I dont know what the future holds. And I cant promise the world is going to always turn out the way you want it to. I owed you that honesty, I thought. So you could assess betterhow to grow, how to widen your perspective. It felt like it was time for that. But you didnt want to do that then, and you dont want to do that now. Ive messed up a lot as your father, and I take responsibility for that. But this one, Im sorry, only you can solve it. You have to make peace with not being a perfect player, he said. That is giving up. I wont do it, I said. My father shakes his head. You have to find a way to be right with who you actually are, to face what life is really like. I expected you to figure that out by now. But you havent. And if you dont, I cant see how you ever get past thisthis moment. You have accomplished so much, but you are instead so focused on keeping it, rather than going out and finding something else in the world. He walks toward the door. Everything we achieve is ephemeral. We have it, and then the next second its gone. You had that record, and you may lose that record. Or you may defend it now and lose it in two years all over again. I wish youd accept that. I shake my head and try to look at him. I cant. Well, he says. It kills me that I cannot fix that for you, hija. But I cant. Nobody else can. And then, as if the door were the lightest thing in the world, he opens it and walks right through, leaving me there alone.

Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid